India Score Card

Incredible !ndia, there is so much to score....would love to say more.

Cities. 2/10. Indian cities are smelly, dirty and shitty (literally) places that you should avoid at all costs. Mumbai passes.

People. 7/10. It's always difficult to truly get to know the people of a country in only a few weeks, but it's especially hard to get to know the real Curry Muncher. Like Egypt, the taxi wallahs, touts, and tricksters are so in your face it's hard not to be biased. I'm sure however, that deep down, they are fine little head waggers. Also, they are insanely passionate about cricket, so they must be OK.

Poverty. 1/10. 1.1 billion people ooooze out of every nook and cranny of this place and 60% of them live in poverty. For those without a calculator, that's over 6oo million people (30 Australias) fighting for survival. Why did they not have some family planning foresight!

Temples. 9/10. There is an absolutely amazing array of Hindu, Muslim and Buddhist temples all over the shop. You only need to see the Taj Mahal to be satisfied. Awesome! Takes over from the Blue Mosque in Istanbul as Best Building in The World.

Food. 10/10. Come here just for the food! Be prepared to see it come out the other end almost immediately though.

Heat. 1/10. Do not come here in the 'hot' season. 45 degrees in the shade is not fun.

Sacred Cows. 7/10. Holy cow man, they really do exist. I loved walking through the back alleys of Varanasi and bumping into cows grazing off the concrete. Not much fun stepping through the by-product though.

The Ganges River. 5/10. One of the holiest rivers on the planet, in reality, it's an absolute sewer. Lonely Planet tells me its faecal coliform content is around 1.5 million parts per 100ml of water. The safe bathing amount is less than 500! Yet, the Indians are in there, spiritually cleansing themselves, and adding to the shit content daily.

Public Toilets. 2/10. Public toilets are everywhere in India: behind a bush, off the train platform, on the side of that building, in any conspicuous location really. Just hang it out and let it flow. Beautiful. That goes for poo too!!

Cremations. ?/10. Go to Varanasi to see people being cremated next to, and on, the Ganges. Smelly stuff that.

Beaches. 7/10. Goa has some fine beaches, but squeaky white sand is hard to find due to the burning rubbish and cows and dogs crapping everywhere.

India Overall. 8/10. Just for the shock to the senses! Would love to see the Himalayan Region and Rajastan, as they seem spectacular. Next time.